So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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