I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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