he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
