got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
