when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
