I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
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