This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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