I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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