There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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