There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
