This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
