I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
