I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
