dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
