I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
