I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
