so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Randomize
