if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
