put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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