i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
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He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
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Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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