He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
