I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
