I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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