I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
