Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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