The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize