do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil