I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
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Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
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No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago