Texts From Last Night

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  (631): View more from New York

  I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...

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  (631): I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf... http://tfl.nu/qnwa
  Replies (12) Good night (1059) Bad night (3766)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.

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  (732): Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night. http://tfl.nu/1hz1
  Replies (13) Good night (3724) Bad night (1232)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again

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  (740): needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again http://tfl.nu/we2r
  Replies (38) Good night (778) Bad night (4488)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.

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  (407): Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast. http://tfl.nu/8b17
  Replies (11) Good night (5485) Bad night (1317)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...

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  (513): First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action... http://tfl.nu/keaf
  Replies (13) Good night (1209) Bad night (6692)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.

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  (215): the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign. http://tfl.nu/j53c
  Replies (7) Good night (3287) Bad night (803)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.

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  (870): I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car. http://tfl.nu/7djn
  Replies (15) Good night (4770) Bad night (1583)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.

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  (563): I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating. http://tfl.nu/5u43
  Replies (2) Good night (1244) Bad night (1425)
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  (716): View more from New York

  The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.

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  (716): The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West. http://tfl.nu/935n
  Replies (6) Good night (1299) Bad night (549)
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  (714): View more from California

  Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.

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  (714): Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym. http://tfl.nu/t6kc
  Replies (5) Good night (1113) Bad night (739)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea

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  (608): So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea http://tfl.nu/i0d0
  Replies (2) Good night (321) Bad night (791)
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  (415): View more from California

  I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize

  (1-415): View more from California

  Can I have the second place winner?

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  (415): I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize (1-415): Can I have the second place winner? http://tfl.nu/4f30
  Replies (5) Good night (861) Bad night (351)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week

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  (703): The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week http://tfl.nu/myyh
  Replies (2) Good night (376) Bad night (850)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I can't help that I bring out the sex in people

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  (518): I can't help that I bring out the sex in people http://tfl.nu/k6ds
  Replies (1) Good night (844) Bad night (362)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.

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  (910): Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night. http://tfl.nu/7zcy
  Replies (0) Good night (379) Bad night (699)

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