So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
