Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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