Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.