I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy