the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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