Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
