He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
