I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so much tequila, so little girl.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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