..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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