I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
