so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
