Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
third nipple confirmed
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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