After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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