she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
