so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
