so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
