Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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