ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
