Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
