Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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