I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
