I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
