Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
