Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
