How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
