Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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