She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
