I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
