You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
