When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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