Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You dont lie about slip and slides
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So much Jack, so little girl.
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