Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
