when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
