These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
