anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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