my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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