Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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