end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize