I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize