ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
