Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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