We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
